Bubba and the Stray Dog

This is another joke that I heard listening to Joel Osteen.

I heard about this man named Bubba.
He lived way out in the country.
There was a stray dog that kept showing up at his house.

His wife said "Bubba, you have to put the dog in the truck, take him out to the woods and drop him off. That's where he lives."

Bubba took him a mile down the road, dropped him off.
When he came home, the dog was walking up the driveway.
Practically beat him back home.

It happened again and again.

His wife said "Bubba, you have to take him way out. Drive him around in circles. Get him mixed up."

Bubba took him an hour away.
Criss crossed country roads he had never driven before.
Dropped him off.

Two hours later, he calls his wife from the truck.
He said "Did the dog come back?"

She said "Yes he's walking up the driveway."

He said "Do me a favor, put him on the line. I need directions."

The Lawyer in Heaven

Here's another Joel Osteen joke for ya. I call this one The Lawyer in Heaven.

I heard about these two men, the Pope and a lawyer.
They died on the same day.
Peter met them at the gate and said "Follow me, I'll take you to your houses."

Peter dropped the Pope off at this small wood frame house, one bed, one table, nothing to it.

He then took the lawyer to this magnificent house. It was huge, had a big swimming pool, beautiful view out back.

The lawyer was overwhelmed. He said "Peter, how did I manage to get this spectacular place and the Pope only got the small place?"

Peter said "We have dozens of Popes. You're the first lawyer."