Monday, October 12, 2009

He's Not Even Blonde

One day my housework-challenged husband decided to wash his Sweat-shirt.. Seconds after he stepped into the laundry room, he shouted to me, 'What setting do I use on the washing machine?'

'It depends,' I replied. 'What does it say on your shirt?'

He yelled back, ' OHIO STATE ! '

And they say blondes are dumb...

Friday, October 9, 2009

Bad Day At Hallmark

Bad day at Hallmark

Ever wondered what happens when Hallmark writers are having a bad day........

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My tire was thumping.
I thought it was flat

When I looked at the tire...

I noticed your cat.

Sorry!



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Heard your wife left you,
How upset you must be.

But don't fret about it...

She moved in with me.




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Looking back over the years

that we've been together,

I can't help but wonder...

'What the hell was I thinking?'


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Congratulations on your wedding day!

Too bad no one likes your husband.


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How could two people as beautiful as you

Have such an ugly baby?



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I've always wanted to have
someone to hold,

someone to love.

After having met you ..

I've changed my mind.


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I must admit, you brought Religion into my life.

I never believed in Hell until I met you.


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As the days go by, I think of how lucky I am...

That you're not here to ruin it for me.


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Congratulations on your promotion.
Before you go...

Would you like to take this knife out of my back?

You'll probably need it again.


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Happy Birthday, Uncle Dad!

(Available only in Tennessee , Kentucky & West Virginia )


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Happy birthday! You look great for your age.

Almost Lifelike!



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When we were together,
you always said you'd die for me.

Now that we've broken up,

I think it's time you kept your promise.


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We have been friends for a very long time .

let's say we stop?


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I'm so miserable without you

it's almost like you're here.



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Congratulations on your new bundle of joy.

Did you ever find out who the father was?


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Your friends and I wanted to do

something special for your birthday.

So we're having you put to sleep.



))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))


So your daughter's a hooker,
and it spoiled your day.

Look at the bright side,

it's really good pay.