Monday, October 20, 2008

Human Kind

A little girl asked her mother: 'How did the human race appear?'

The mother answered, 'God made Adam and Eve; they had children; and so was all mankind made.'

Two days later the girl asked her father the same question. The father answered, 'Many years ago there were monkeys from which the human race evolved.'

The confused girl returned to her mother and said, 'Mum, how is it possible that you told me the human race was created by God, and Dad said they developed from monkeys?'

The mother answered, 'Well, Dear, it is very simple. I told you about my side of the family, and your father told you about his.'

Sunday, October 19, 2008

Bubba's Pickup Lines

1) Did you fart?
cuz you blew me away.

2) Are yer parents retarded?
cuz ya sure are special.

3) My Love fer you is like diarrhea .
I can't hold it in.

4) Do you have a library card?
cuz I'd like to sign you out

5) Is there a mirror in yer pants?
cuz I can see myself in em.

6) If you was a tree & I was a Squirrel,
I'd store my nuts in yer hole.

7) You might not be the best lookin girl here,
but beauty's only a light switch away.

8) Man - 'Fat Penguin!'
Woman - 'WHAT?'
Man - 'I just wanted to say something that would break the ice.'

9) I know I'm not no Fred Flintstone,
but I bet I can make yer bed-rock.

10) I can't find my puppy, can you help me find him?
I think he went inta this cheap motel room....

11) Yer eyes are as blue as window cleaner.

12) If yer gunna regret this in the mornin,
we kin sleep til afternoon.


AND.. the best for last!

13) Yer face reminds me of a wrench,every time I think of it, my nuts tighten up

Saturday, October 18, 2008

Surgeons

Five surgeons from big cities are discussing who makes the best
patients to operate on.

The first surgeon, from New York , says, 'I like to see
accountants on my operating table because when you open them up,
everything inside is numbered.'

The second surgeon, from Chicago responds, 'Yeah, but you should
try electricians! Everything inside them is color coded.'
The third surgeon, from Dallas, says, 'No, I really think
librarians are the best, everything inside them is in alphabetical
order'.

The fourth surgeon, from Los Angeles chimes in: 'You know, I like
construction workers. Those guys always understand when you have a few
parts left over.'

But the fifth surgeon, from Washington DC shut them all up when
he observed: 'You're all wrong. Politicians are the easiest to operate;There's no guts, no heart, no balls, no brains and no spine, and their head and ass are interchangeable.'

Wednesday, October 8, 2008

Tuesday, October 7, 2008

Impossible To Say When You're Drunk JOKE

THINGS THAT ARE DIFFICULT TO SAY WHEN YOU'RE DRUNK:
1. Innovative
2. Preliminary
3. Proliferation
4. Cinnamon

THINGS THAT ARE VERY DIFFICULT TO SAY WHEN YOU'RE DRUNK:
1. Specificity
2. Anti-constitutionalistically
3. Passive-aggressive disorder
4. Transubstantiate

THINGS THAT ARE DOWNRIGHT IMPOSSIBLE TO SAY WHEN YOU'RE DRUNK:
1. Thanks, but I don't want to have sex.
2. Nope, no more booze for me!
3. Sorry, but you're not really my type.
4. White Castle? No thanks, I'm not hungry.
5. Good evening, officer. Isn't it lovely out tonight?
6. Oh, I couldn't! No one wants to hear me sing karaoke.
7. I'm not interested in fighting you.
8. Thank you, but I won't make any attempt to dance, I have no coordination. I'd hate to look like a fool!
9. Where is the nearest bathroom? I refuse to pee in this parking lot or on
the side of the road.
10. I must be going home now as I have to work in the morning.