Jesus is Watching You - Joke

If you've ever watched Joel Osteen, you've heard him say that he likes to start with something funny.

Here is one of my favorite jokes from Joel Osteen's television program.

"I heard about this burglar that broken into a house one night. As he was stealing the stereo, he heard a voice say 'Jesus is watching you.'

He froze in his tracks, shined his flashlights, and saw a parrot over in the corner.

He said, 'Did you say that to me?'

The parrot said 'Yes, I'm just trying to warn you.'

He said 'Warn me. What are you talking about? Who are you?'

The parrot said 'My name is Moses.'

The burglar laughed and said 'What kind of crazy people would name a parrot Moses?'

The parrot said 'The same kind of people that would name a 150 pound rottweiler, Jesus.'

Jesus Saves

This has become one of my favorite new Joel Osteen jokes. I hope you like it as well as I do.

One day Jesus and Satan were having a contest to see who was better with computers.

After 6 hours of making spreadsheets and designing web pages, a thunderstorm knocked the power out.

When they rebooted their computers, Satan started screaming "It's all lost. All my material is gone."

While Jesus quietly walked over, printed his out, turned it in.

Satan says "That's not fair. He must have cheated. How come he didn't lose his material?"

God smiled and said "Jesus Saves."

If you are into computers at all, I am sure you will find that one just as funny as I did.

Son Gets Drivers License Joke

I heard about this teenager who had just gotten his driver's license.
He asked his dad if he could borrow the car.
 
His dad said "Son I'll make a deal with you.  If you bring your grades
up, read your bible everyday, and cut your hair, you can borrow the
car."

A month later he came back and asked about it and his dad said,
"Well Son, you've brought your grades up and you've been reading your
bible, but you still haven't cut your hair."

He said "Dad, I've been thinking about it.  Moses had long hair.
Samson had long hair.  Even Jesus had long hair."

Dad said "Yeah Son, and they walked every where they went."