The River Joel Osteen Joke

Here is another one of Joel Osteen's jokes for you.

"I heard about this pastor. He was finishing up a fiery sermon on self control.

He said with great passion,

If I had all the beer in the world, I'd throw it in the river.

With greater ferber, If I had all the wine in the world, I'd throw it in the river.

Almost at the top of his lungs, If I had all the whiskey in the world, I'd throw it in the river.

He sat down, the song leader came up. 

He said for our closing song, Let's sing Hymn 365.....

Shall we Gather at the River."

Not only was this a good story, but it reminded me of when I was baptized.

Back in the day, when they actually did "gather at the river" to baptize people, in eastern Kentucky.

Fond memory.

Now You're a Fish

I heard about this man. He was the only Protestant in a large Catholic neighborhood. Every Friday during Lent, while his neighbors were eating cold fish, he was in his backyard grilling a steak.

They couldn't stand the temptation. So, they decided to try to convert him to Catholism. He finally agreed.

A priest came over, sprinkled water on his head, said you were born a Baptist, you were raised a Baptist. Now you're a Catholic.

The next year, on the first Friday of Lent they smelled the same smell.

They rushed to his house. He was in his backyard sprinkling water over his steak saying you were born a cow, you were raised a cow, but now you're a fish.

In case you were wondering, yes that is another Joel Osteen joke.

Jesus Saves

This has become one of my favorite new Joel Osteen jokes. I hope you like it as well as I do.

One day Jesus and Satan were having a contest to see who was better with computers.

After 6 hours of making spreadsheets and designing web pages, a thunderstorm knocked the power out.

When they rebooted their computers, Satan started screaming "It's all lost. All my material is gone."

While Jesus quietly walked over, printed his out, turned it in.

Satan says "That's not fair. He must have cheated. How come he didn't lose his material?"

God smiled and said "Jesus Saves."

If you are into computers at all, I am sure you will find that one just as funny as I did.

Baptist, Catholic and a Charismatic

Here is another Joel Osteen joke. I think you'll like this one.

I heard about these three men, a Baptist, a Catholic and a Charismatic.

They died on the same day and went to Heaven.

Saint Peter met them at the gates and said "I'm sorry men, your rooms are not available yet."

He didn't know what to do, so he decided to call Satan and see if he would keep them for a little while.

Satan reluctantly agreed.

A few hours later Satan called Peter and said "Peter, you've got to come get these guys. The Baptist man is saving everybody. The Catholic man is forgiving everybody. And the Charismatic has already raised enough money for air conditioning."