A Professional

I heard this one today on an episode of Joel Osteen that I had recorded a while back.

I heard about this elderly lady, she was at the store and accidentally locked her keys in the car.

She had a coat hanger and was trying and trying, but she couldn't get it unlocked.

She finally prayed and asked God to help her.

About that time, this real rough looking guy pulled up on a motorcycle.

He was dressed in leather, tattoos, wearing a skull cap.

In 15 seconds, he had the car unlocked.

She gave him a hug and said "Lord, thank you for sending me this nice man."


He said "Lady, I'm not a nice man. I just got out of prison for auto theft."

She hugged him again and said "Lord, thank you. You even sent me a professional."

Pastor Goes Golfing

Here is another one of Joel Osteen's jokes that I like....

This pastor decided to skip church one Sunday morning and go play golf.

He told his assistant he wasn't feeling well. He drove to a golf course in another city, so nobody would know him.

He teed off on the first hole. A huge gust of wind caught his ball, carried it an extra hundred yards and dropped it right in the hole, for a 450 yard hole in one.

An angel looked at God and said "What'd you do that for?"

God smiled and said "Who's he going to tell?"

Baptist, Catholic and a Charismatic

Here is another Joel Osteen joke. I think you'll like this one.

I heard about these three men, a Baptist, a Catholic and a Charismatic.

They died on the same day and went to Heaven.

Saint Peter met them at the gates and said "I'm sorry men, your rooms are not available yet."

He didn't know what to do, so he decided to call Satan and see if he would keep them for a little while.

Satan reluctantly agreed.

A few hours later Satan called Peter and said "Peter, you've got to come get these guys. The Baptist man is saving everybody. The Catholic man is forgiving everybody. And the Charismatic has already raised enough money for air conditioning."