Jesus is Watching You - Joke

If you've ever watched Joel Osteen, you've heard him say that he likes to start with something funny.

Here is one of my favorite jokes from Joel Osteen's television program.

"I heard about this burglar that broken into a house one night. As he was stealing the stereo, he heard a voice say 'Jesus is watching you.'

He froze in his tracks, shined his flashlights, and saw a parrot over in the corner.

He said, 'Did you say that to me?'

The parrot said 'Yes, I'm just trying to warn you.'

He said 'Warn me. What are you talking about? Who are you?'

The parrot said 'My name is Moses.'

The burglar laughed and said 'What kind of crazy people would name a parrot Moses?'

The parrot said 'The same kind of people that would name a 150 pound rottweiler, Jesus.'

92 Year Old Man - Joel Osteen Joke

Here is another Joel Osteen joke for ya.

"I heard about this 92 year old man.

He wasn't feeling up to par, so he went to the doctor.

A few days later, the doctor saw him out in the park with this beautiful young lady by his side.

And he seemed as happy as can be.

The doctor said wow, you sure are feeling a lot better aren't you.

He said yes doctor, I'm just following your orders.

You said get a hot mama, and stay cheerful.

The doctor said, I didn't say that.

I said you got a heart murmur. Be careful."