Husband's Old Draws Joke

I personally would have spelled it "drawers", but no matter how you spell it, this joke is a good one. 

If you use your husband's old drawers to make a tank top, you just might be a redneck.

I got that one from a friend who shared it from another friend, so not sure of the original. 

Hope you all enjoyed this redneck joke, and keep smilin'!

Bubba and the Stray Dog

This is another joke that I heard listening to Joel Osteen.

I heard about this man named Bubba.
He lived way out in the country.
There was a stray dog that kept showing up at his house.

His wife said "Bubba, you have to put the dog in the truck, take him out to the woods and drop him off. That's where he lives."

Bubba took him a mile down the road, dropped him off.
When he came home, the dog was walking up the driveway.
Practically beat him back home.

It happened again and again.

His wife said "Bubba, you have to take him way out. Drive him around in circles. Get him mixed up."

Bubba took him an hour away.
Criss crossed country roads he had never driven before.
Dropped him off.

Two hours later, he calls his wife from the truck.
He said "Did the dog come back?"

She said "Yes he's walking up the driveway."

He said "Do me a favor, put him on the line. I need directions."

Redneck Medical Terminology

Redneck Medical Terminology

Artery......................................The study of fine paintings 

Barium....................................What you do when CPR fails

Benign.....................................What you are after you be eight

Cesarean Section....................A neighborhood in Rome

Dilate......................................To live long

G.I. Series...............................Baseball games between teams of soldiers

Hangnail.................................A coat hook

Medical Staff..........................A Doctor's cane

Minor Operation.....................Coal digging

Morbid....................................A higher offer

Nitrate.....................................Higher than the day rate

Node.......................................Was aware of

Organic...................................Church musician

Outpatient...............................A person who has fainted

Protein....................................In favor of young people

Serology..................................Study of English Knighthood

Tablet......................................A small table

Tumor......................................An extra pair

Urine........................................Opposite of you're out

Varicose veins.........................Veins which are very close together

Hope you enjoyed this Redneck Joke from my friend.

Redneck ID Joke

Here's a funny Redneck Joke that my niece shared with me.

A Redneck gets pulled over by a traffic cop. 

The cop says: "Got any ID?"

Redneck says: "'Bout what?"

Redneck Pickup Lines

REDNECK Pick Up Lines

1. Did you fart? Cuz you blew me away.
2. My love fer you is like diarrhea...I can't hold it in.
3. I got a six pack of beer and the new Hank Jr. CD.
4. Baby you're finer than a new set of snow tires.
5. You're prettier than a beer truck pulling up in the driveway.
6. Are you're parents retarded? Cuz you sure are special.
7. You're not the best lookin girl here, but beauty's only a light switch away.
8. Yer eyes are as blue as window cleaner.
9. Hey baby, nice tooth!
10. Wanna come over to my trailer, drink some beer an see my new velvet Elvis painting?

The wisdom of Larry the cable guy.......

The wisdom of Larry the cable guy.......


1. A day without sunshine is night.


2. On the other hand, you have different fingers.


3. 42.7 percent of all statistics are made up on the spot.


4. 99 percent of lawyers give the rest a bad name.


5. Remember, half the people you know are below average.


6. He who laughs last, thinks slowest..


7. Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.

8. The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese in the trap.


9. Support bacteria. They're the only culture some people have.

10. A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.


11. Change is inevitable, except from vending machines.


12. If you think nobody cares, try missing a couple of payments.


13... OK, so what's the speed of dark?


14. When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.


15. Hard work pays off in the future. Laziness pays off now.


16. How much deeper would the ocean be without sponges?


17. Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.


20. What happens if you get scared half to death, twice? Do We Die?


21 Why do psychics have to ask you your name?


22. Inside every older person is a younger person wondering, 'What the heck happened?'


23. Just remember -- if the world didn't suck, we would all fall off.


24. Light travels faster than sound. That's why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.


25. Life isn't like a box of chocolates. It's more like a jar of jalapenos. What you do today, might burn your butt tomorrow.

Bubba's Pickup Lines

This is not my favorite, but I do know a lot of guys (and some gals) who enjoy this type of humor.

So here's Bubba's Pickup Lines

1) Did you fart?
cuz you blew me away.

2) Are yer parents retarded?
cuz ya sure are special.

3) My Love fer you is like diarrhea .
I can't hold it in.

4) Do you have a library card?
cuz I'd like to sign you out

5) Is there a mirror in yer pants?
cuz I can see myself in em.

6) If you was a tree and I was a Squirrel,
I'd store my nuts in yer hole.

7) You might not be the best lookin girl here,
but beauty's only a light switch away.

8) Man - 'Fat Penguin!'
Woman - 'WHAT?'
Man - 'I just wanted to say something that would break the ice.'

9) I know I'm not no Fred Flintstone,
but I bet I can make yer bed-rock.

10) I can't find my puppy, can you help me find him?
I think he went inta this cheap motel room....

11) Yer eyes are as blue as window cleaner.

12) If yer gunna regret this in the mornin,
we kin sleep til afternoon.


AND.. the best for last!

13) Yer face reminds me of a wrench, every time I think of it, my nuts tighten up