What is Couple Sex?

An 8-year-old girl went to her grandfather, who was working in the yard and asked him, "Grampa, what is couple sex?"

The grandfather was surprised that she would ask such a question, but decided that if she's old enough to ask the question, then she's old enough to get a straight answer.

Stealing himself to leave nothing out, he proceeded to tell her all about human reproduction and the joys and responsibilities of intercourse.

When he finished explaining, the little girl was looking at him with her mouth hanging open,eyes wide in amazement.

Seeing the look on her face, the grandfather asked her, "Why did you ask this question honey? "

The little girl replied, "Grandma says that dinner will be ready in just a couple secs."

A Woman's True Confession - Joke

Several days ago as I left a meeting at a hotel; I desperately gave myself a personal TSA pat down. I was looking for my keys.

They were not in my pockets. A quick search in the meeting room revealed nothing.

Suddenly I realized I must have left them in the car. Frantically, I headed for the parking lot. My husband has scolded me many times for leaving the keys in the ignition.

My theory is the ignition is the best place not to lose them. His theory is that the car will be stolen.

As I burst through the door, I came to a terrifying conclusion. His theory was right. The parking lot was empty.

I immediately called the police. I gave them my location, confessed that I had left my keys in the car, and that it had been stolen.

Then I made the most difficult call of all, "Honey," I stammered; I always call him "honey" in times like these. "I left my keys in the car, and it has been stolen."

There was a period of silence. I thought the call had been dropped, but then I heard his voice. He barked, "I dropped you off!"

Now it was my time to be silent. Embarrassed, I said, "Well, come and get me."

He retorted, "I will, as soon as I convince this policeman I have not stolen your car."

Warning!

I did not know this...


When you drink vodka over ice, it can give you kidney failure..

When you drink rum over ice, it can give you liver failure.



When you drink whiskey over ice, it can give you heart problems.

When you drink gin over ice, it can give you brain problems.

Apparently, ice is really bad for you.

Warn all your friends.

Walk With Me While I Age

I hope this poem has the same effect on you as it did me.

"Walk With Me While I Age", a beautiful poem about growing older.
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"shit, I forgot the words."

Elderly Woman Joke

An elderly Lady called 911 on her mobile phone to report that her car has been broken into.

She is hysterical as she explains her situation to the operator: "They've stolen the stereo, the steering wheel, the brake pedal and even the accelerator!" she cried.

The operator said, "Stay calm An officer is on the way."

A few minutes later, the Officer radios in. "Disregard.." He says, "She got in the back-seat by mistake.."

Best Friend's Job

I think part of a best friend's job should be to immediately clear your computer history if you die.

Understand Women Joke

Understand Women - Joke

A man on his Harley was riding along a California beach when suddenly the sky
clouded above his head and, in a booming voice, God said, 'Because you have
tried to be faithful to me in all ways, I will grant you one wish.'
The biker pulled over and said, 'Build a bridge to Hawaii so I can ride over
anytime I want.' 

 


God replied, 'Your request is materialistic! Think of the enormous challenges
for that kind of undertaking; the supports required reaching the bottom of the
Pacific and the concrete and steel it would take! I can do it, but it is hard
for me to justify your desire for worldly things. Take a little more time and
think of something that could possibly help man kind.'


The biker thought about it for a long time. Finally, he said, 'God, I wish that
I , and all men, could understand women. I want to know how she feels inside,
what she's thinking when she gives me the silent treatment, why she cries, what
she means when she says nothing's wrong, why she snaps and complains when I try to help, and how I can make a woman truly happy.

God replied: 'You want two lanes or four on that bridge?"