Walk With Me While I Age

I hope this poem has the same effect on you as it did me.

"Walk With Me While I Age", a beautiful poem about growing older.
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"shit, I forgot the words."

Elderly Woman Joke

An elderly Lady called 911 on her mobile phone to report that her car has been broken into.

She is hysterical as she explains her situation to the operator: "They've stolen the stereo, the steering wheel, the brake pedal and even the accelerator!" she cried.

The operator said, "Stay calm An officer is on the way."

A few minutes later, the Officer radios in. "Disregard.." He says, "She got in the back-seat by mistake.."

Best Friend's Job

I think part of a best friend's job should be to immediately clear your computer history if you die.

Understand Women Joke

Understand Women - Joke

A man on his Harley was riding along a California beach when suddenly the sky
clouded above his head and, in a booming voice, God said, 'Because you have
tried to be faithful to me in all ways, I will grant you one wish.'
The biker pulled over and said, 'Build a bridge to Hawaii so I can ride over
anytime I want.' 

 


God replied, 'Your request is materialistic! Think of the enormous challenges
for that kind of undertaking; the supports required reaching the bottom of the
Pacific and the concrete and steel it would take! I can do it, but it is hard
for me to justify your desire for worldly things. Take a little more time and
think of something that could possibly help man kind.'


The biker thought about it for a long time. Finally, he said, 'God, I wish that
I , and all men, could understand women. I want to know how she feels inside,
what she's thinking when she gives me the silent treatment, why she cries, what
she means when she says nothing's wrong, why she snaps and complains when I try to help, and how I can make a woman truly happy.

God replied: 'You want two lanes or four on that bridge?"

What to do with your Ex Joke

Joke about your Ex:

What do you do if your Ex is limping around and bleeding in you're back yard???
Take a deep breath, focus, reload, and shoot again!!!

Elderly Catholic Gentleman Joke

AN ELDERLY ITALIAN CATHOLIC GENTLEMAN

An elderly Italian man who lived on the outskirts of Rimini, Italy, went to
the local church for confession. When the priest slid open the panel in the
confessional, the man said: Father, during World War II, a beautiful Jewish woman from our neighbourhood knocked urgently on my door and asked me to hide her from the Nazis. So I hid her in my attic."

The priest replied: "That was a wonderful thing you did, and you have no
need to confess that."

"There is more to tell, Father. She started to repay me with sexual
favours. This happened several times a week, and sometimes twice on
Sundays."

The priest said, "That was a long time ago and by doing what you did, you
placed the two of you in great danger, but two people under those
circumstances can easily succumb to the weakness of the flesh. However, if
you are truly sorry for your actions, you are indeed forgiven."

"Thank you, Father. That's a great load off my mind. I do have one more
question." "And what is that?" asked the priest.

"Should I tell her the war is over?

Joke - Why I Am Now Divorced

This joke is titled "Why I am Now Divorced".

Why I Am now Divorced
Last week was my birthday and I didn't
feel very well waking up on that morning.

I went downstairs for breakfast
hoping my husband would be pleasant and say,
'Happy Birthday!',
and possibly have a small present for me.

As it turned out,
he barely said good morning,
let alone 'Happy Birthday.'

I thought...

Well, that's marriage for you,
but the kids...
They will remember.

My kids came bounding down stairs to breakfast
and didn't say a word...
So when I left for the office,
I felt pretty low
and somewhat despondent.

As I walked into my office,
my handsome Boss Rick, said,
'Good Morning, lady,
and by the way
Happy Birthday!'
It felt a little better
that at least someone had remembered.

I worked until one o'clock,
when Rick knocked on my door
and said, 'You know,
it's such a beautiful day outside,
and it is your Birthday,
what do you say we go out to lunch,
just you and me...'
I said, 'Thanks, Rick,
that's the greatest thing
I've heard all day.
Let's go!'

We went to lunch.
But we didn't go
where we normally would go.
He chose instead a quiet bistro
with a private table.
We had two martinis each
and I enjoyed the meal tremendously.

On the way back to the office,
Rick said, 'You know,
It's such a beautiful day...
We don't need to go straight back to the office,
do we?'

I responded,
'I guess not.
What do you have in mind?'
He said,
'Let's drop by my place,
it's just around the corner.'

After arriving at his house,
Rick turned to me and said,
If you don't mind,
I'm going to step into the bedroom
for just a moment.
I'll be right back.'
'Ok.' I nervously replied.

He went into the bedroom and,
after a couple of minutes,
he came out
carrying a huge birthday cake...
followed
by my husband,
my kids,
and dozens of my friends
and co-workers,
all singing 'Happy Birthday'.

And I just sat there...

On the couch...

Naked!