This joke is from a friend of mine's birthday card...........
Two old ladies sitting on a bench.
The first lady says to the second "Every time I sneeze, I have an orgasm."
The second lady says "What are you taking for that?"
The first lady replies "Pepper".
Friday, March 8, 2013
Wednesday, January 30, 2013
Monday, January 21, 2013
Joke about Three Retirees
Three
retirees, each with a hearing loss, were playing golf one fine March day.
One remarked to the other, "Windy, isn't it?"
"No," the second man replied, "it's Thursday..."
And the third man chimed in, "So am I. Let's have a beer."
One remarked to the other, "Windy, isn't it?"
"No," the second man replied, "it's Thursday..."
And the third man chimed in, "So am I. Let's have a beer."
Monday, January 14, 2013
What is Couple Sex?
An 8-year-old girl went to her grandfather, who was working in the yard and asked him, "Grampa, what is couple sex?"
The grandfather was surprised that she would ask such a question, but decided that if she's old enough to ask the question, then she's old enough to get a straight answer.
Stealing himself to leave nothing out, he proceeded to tell her all about human reproduction and the joys and responsibilities of intercourse.
When he finished explaining, the little girl was looking at him with her mouth hanging open,eyes wide in amazement.
Seeing the look on her face, the grandfather asked her, "Why did you ask this question honey? "
The little girl replied, "Grandma says that dinner will be ready in just a couple secs."
The grandfather was surprised that she would ask such a question, but decided that if she's old enough to ask the question, then she's old enough to get a straight answer.
Stealing himself to leave nothing out, he proceeded to tell her all about human reproduction and the joys and responsibilities of intercourse.
When he finished explaining, the little girl was looking at him with her mouth hanging open,eyes wide in amazement.
Seeing the look on her face, the grandfather asked her, "Why did you ask this question honey? "
The little girl replied, "Grandma says that dinner will be ready in just a couple secs."
Thursday, January 3, 2013
A Woman's True Confession - Joke
Several days ago as I left a meeting at a hotel; I desperately gave myself a personal TSA pat down. I was looking for my keys.
They were not in my pockets. A quick search in the meeting room revealed nothing.
Suddenly I realized I must have left them in the car. Frantically, I headed for the parking lot. My husband has scolded me many times for leaving the keys in the ignition.
My theory is the ignition is the best place not to lose them. His theory is that the car will be stolen.
As I burst through the door, I came to a terrifying conclusion. His theory was right. The parking lot was empty.
I immediately called the police. I gave them my location, confessed that I had left my keys in the car, and that it had been stolen.
Then I made the most difficult call of all, "Honey," I stammered; I always call him "honey" in times like these. "I left my keys in the car, and it has been stolen."
There was a period of silence. I thought the call had been dropped, but then I heard his voice. He barked, "I dropped you off!"
Now it was my time to be silent. Embarrassed, I said, "Well, come and get me."
He retorted, "I will, as soon as I convince this policeman I have not stolen your car."
They were not in my pockets. A quick search in the meeting room revealed nothing.
Suddenly I realized I must have left them in the car. Frantically, I headed for the parking lot. My husband has scolded me many times for leaving the keys in the ignition.
My theory is the ignition is the best place not to lose them. His theory is that the car will be stolen.
As I burst through the door, I came to a terrifying conclusion. His theory was right. The parking lot was empty.
I immediately called the police. I gave them my location, confessed that I had left my keys in the car, and that it had been stolen.
Then I made the most difficult call of all, "Honey," I stammered; I always call him "honey" in times like these. "I left my keys in the car, and it has been stolen."
There was a period of silence. I thought the call had been dropped, but then I heard his voice. He barked, "I dropped you off!"
Now it was my time to be silent. Embarrassed, I said, "Well, come and get me."
He retorted, "I will, as soon as I convince this policeman I have not stolen your car."
Wednesday, December 26, 2012
Warning!
I did not know this...
When you drink vodka over ice, it can give you kidney failure..
When you drink rum over ice, it can give you liver failure.
When you drink whiskey over ice, it can give you heart problems.
When you drink gin over ice, it can give you brain problems.
Apparently, ice is really bad for you.
Warn all your friends.
When you drink vodka over ice, it can give you kidney failure..
When you drink rum over ice, it can give you liver failure.
When you drink whiskey over ice, it can give you heart problems.
When you drink gin over ice, it can give you brain problems.
Apparently, ice is really bad for you.
Warn all your friends.
Tuesday, December 18, 2012
Walk With Me While I Age
I hope this poem has the same effect on you as it did me.
"Walk With Me While I Age", a beautiful poem about growing older.
_
_
_
_
_
_
_
_
_
_
_
_
_
_
_
_
_
_
_
"shit, I forgot the words."
"Walk With Me While I Age", a beautiful poem about growing older.
_
_
_
_
_
_
_
_
_
_
_
_
_
_
_
_
_
_
_
"shit, I forgot the words."
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)