1. IF YOU'RE CHOKING ON AN ICE CUBE,
SIMPLY POUR A CUP OF BOILING WATER DOWN YOUR THROAT. PRESTO! THE BLOCKAGE WILL
INSTANTLY REMOVE ITSELF.
2. AVOID
CUTTING YOURSELF WHEN SLICING VEGETABLES BY GETTING SOMEONE ELSE TO HOLD THE
VEGETABLES WHILE YOU CHOP.
3. AVOID ARGUMENTS WITH THE FEMALES ABOUT
LIFTING THE TOILET SEAT - USE THE SINK.
4. FOR HIGH BLOOD PRESSURE
SUFFERERS ~ SIMPLY CUT YOURSELF AND BLEED FOR A FEW MINUTES, THUS REDUCING THE
PRESSURE ON YOUR VEINS. REMEMBER TO USE A
TIMER.
5. A MOUSE TRAP
PLACED ON TOP OF YOUR ALARM CLOCK WILL PREVENT YOU FROM ROLLING OVER AND GOING
BACK TO SLEEP AFTER YOU HIT THE SNOOZE BUTTON.
6. IF YOU HAVE A BAD
COUGH, TAKE A LARGE DOSE OF LAXATIVES. THEN YOU'LL BE AFRAID TO
COUGH.
7. YOU ONLY NEED TWO TOOLS IN LIFE - WD-40 AND DUCT TAPE. IF
IT DOESN'T MOVE AND SHOULD, USE THE WD-40. IF IT SHOULDN'T MOVE AND DOES, USE
THE DUCT TAPE.
8. REMEMBER - EVERYONE SEEMS NORMAL UNTIL YOU GET TO KNOW
THEM.
9. IF YOU CAN'T FIX IT WITH A HAMMER, YOU'VE GOT AN
ELECTRICAL PROBLEM.
DAILY THOUGHT: SOME PEOPLE ARE LIKE SLINKIES - NOT
REALLY GOOD FOR ANYTHING, BUT THEY BRING A SMILE TO YOUR FACE WHEN PUSHED DOWN
THE STAIRS.
